Pregnant

I'm pregnant with poop.

Just like real pregnancy, it always happens at the wrong time. 

Whenever I want to wear a tight dress to impress others, I get poop-pregnant with a 3 months size. Whenever I'm on a date with a guy I like, my poop-pregnancy limits my facial expression...You have to try really hard not to fart when you are poop-pregnant. You know, the pressure from the baby inside you.

Abortion is needed, ASAP. Otherwise, I might get stretch marks.